Dazed and Confused For So Long

I have been awake for about 15 minutes now today and I decided to flip on CNN (mistake number one) to catch up on what our country believes is newsworthy. Rather than feeling more in touch with the happenings of the nation, I have just become bewildered.

1) Why has Dick Cheney not yet said anything publicly about the guy he shot-gunnned while hunting, esecially in light of the news that the Whittington's condition is worsening (he is back in intensive care)? Are they waiting for this guy to croak? AND how could Cheney possibly confuse a grown man's face with a small, portly, brownish, terrestrial fowl? Should people this confused be allowed to handle weapons? I've just learned that Dick "Annie Oakley" Cheney will speak sometime today on the shooting. This announcement comes, curiously, immediately after Whittington was upgraded to "stable" condition...

2) With a big win over Michigan State, Iowa stands in good position to take the Big Ten regular season. The Cock-eyes have only 2 games left in the next two weeks. Seemingly, the only potential remaining loss is a road game on the 25th at Assembly Hall in Champaign. Iowa? Really? If the Illini can win out (5 games in the next 2 weeks) this game against Iowa could be HUGE! Iowa can't win the Big Ten, they just can't...





3) Today President Bush is in Ohio to talk about healthare? He will speak at the corporate HQ of the biggest proponent of health concerns . . . . . . . .WENDY'S! I know this really doesn't mean much, but there is something weird about talking about healthcare at a place that serves the 1000 calorie / 60 fat grams Classic Triple with Cheese. AND Bush plans to discuss a healthcare plan that somehow involves untilization of earnings to be dumped into savings accounts to contribute to healthcare costs. What percentace of Wendy's employees have ANY disposable income to speak of? I'm jussayin... (Sidenote: why can't Wendy's bring back the Superbar?)

4) More pictures of the torture and sexual humiliation of prisoners at Abu Ghraib have surfaced. Excellent. Go ahead and chalk this up as another speed bump in the processes of improving our image abroad.

5) 6 million American pet owners celebrate the birthdays of their pets. I wonder how this number stacks up with Americans who throw themselves their own birthday parties?..

And two things in the "news" gave me much delight:


1) Conan O'Brien vists Finland because he appears to be the identical twin of the icy nation's President, who is a woman. Check out this picture!!!!









2) A Massachusetts regulatory board has ruled that Wal Mart must carry the morning after pill affectionately known as "Plan B." Now the corporate boehemith that once banned Nirvana's In Utero, is being forced to stock pills that lessen the probability of pregnancy by preventing the egg's implantaion In Utero. Wal-Wart's real beef? The Uterus.